J.A. Steckling: Exciting Writing Projects in the Works

Writing
  1. Themed Collections (October = Halloween; November = Harvest; December = Giving)
    • Themed collections include ~25 themed poems and at least 2 short stories
    • The Terror Season started it all on 10/1/21 and is complete. It will be self-published by September, 2022. It includes a number of spooky poems and tales that relate to murder, monsters, ghosts, and mayhem.
    • The Harvest Season began 11/1/21 and is nearly complete. It will be self-published in October, 2022, in preparation for our own harvest feasts. It will include two tales of the harvest season.
    • The Giving Season began 12/1/21 and will be self-published by November, 2022. It includes two tales of holiday terror and themed poetry.
    • The Transformation Season begins 1/1/22 and the themes include rebirth, reincarnation, transformation, self-improvement, lifestyle changes, and more (in the scariest way you didn’t know you needed).
  2. The Legend of Samhain
    • Samhain, or Sam Hain, is the lord of the spirit world. He helps spirits decide if they want to go into the light or resolve unfinished business. As punishment for some transgressions, a piece of his soul is placed in the mortal world, which he only has access to one night a year – Halloween. When Sam finds his missing piece, he must make his soul whole again before using his full strength to force the world to remember the true meaning behind our modern Halloween traditions. This story is in-progress and publication date is still a mystery. I will be providing regular updates as it draws nearer to completion. It may be submitted for publication or self-published.
  3. Heartbroken & Homicidal
    • A short story collection that explores the relationship between love and horror. Broken hearts will bleed all over the ones who broke them. It includes five short stories and some poetry. It is still in-progress. Publication date is to be determined, it may be submitted for publication or self-published once it is complete.

NOTE:


These writings are all designed to be dark and disturbing. The collections are designed to give my morbid readers small, bite-sized horror experiences. My longer works are meant to take them on an action-packed journey full of violence and danger.


If abduction, torture, murder, psychopaths, evil creatures, evil spirits, or senseless acts of violence bother you, then you will likely do better to avoid my horror projects. All published works will contain content warnings, but proceed with caution if you are sensitive.

  • Justine Steckling Writes

How to Identify – and Avoid – Unhealthy Relationships (Fictional & Real)

Books / Mental Health

Seriously, stop glorifying unhealthy relationships in fiction.

We all have some piece of fiction that pops up into our heads when we are discussing gross relationships in books. What is most staggering to me is how frequently these unhealthy relationships are found in young adult (YA) fiction. Impressionable young people learn that the worst kind of partners are ideal at an early age through YA books. From codependency to flat-out abusive situations, many relationships in YA stories are glorified as being the goal when they contain multiple elements that twist the reader’s view of healthy romance. This is not a problem limited to YA, however. Plenty of adult novels glorify unhealthy relationships and lifestyles as well.

The top examples that I have heard are the Twilight series, where Bella is so obsessed with controlling midnight stalker Edward that she tries to kill herself when he disappears without explanation. After this emotional rollercoaster, they still get married and she gets her ideal life as a vampire. It’s truly nauseating to behold. The adult equivalent would be 50 Shades of Grey, where Anastasia is completely addicted to the narcissistic abuser Christian Grey, who pretends his truly disgusting ways are BDSM. The poor writing style is far from the worst thing about these series. People have the right to enjoy whatever fiction makes them happy, but modeling your ideal relationship on novels like these is a massive disservice to yourself and your future.

As a horror writer, most of my main characters are psychopaths, homicidal nonhuman entities, or people in desperate situations ready to kill. Romance does not play a huge part in many of my stories except as a plot device, but it will play a prominent role in one, The Legend of Sam Hain. This relationship will be based on mutual understanding, trust, and respect. The characters in question will make each other better by simply being who they are. It should be easy, natural, and completely healthy – exactly the way that it should be in real life.

The opposite side of the spectrum, my upcoming short story collection Heartbroken & Homicidal, takes a look at love from a very different angle – as a plot device. It examines the role that love plays in homicidal tendencies, how psychopaths experience love, and how sane people can be driven to kill by the ones they love. These stories are meant to take the reader on a journey, but they in no way glorify these unhealthy relationships. If anything, they should be a cautionary tale to be careful who you let into your life. If someone seems too good to be true, they probably are. The horror of the situations examined in the stories is evident. I in no way encourage the kinds of relationships that are shown.

So, from the psychopathic minds of my characters, I have compiled a list of ways you can identify unhealthy relationships early on.

  1. Stalking – it is never innocuous or endearing to have someone show up everywhere you go, and ‘accidentally’ bumping into someone a lot is a huge red flag (eg Joe from You)
  2. Lying – someone who loves you and is all-in will not lie about their interactions with other people, where they go, how they spend their time, or about your role in their life
  3. Disappearances – no one who loves you will ghost you for days with no explanation and expect you to be okay with that
  4. Manipulation – if the person wants to manipulate you into doing things their way all the time, it is not a good sign
  5. Verbal Abuse – preying on your weaknesses during an argument is exclusive to narcissists and psychopaths, no one who loves you will try to tear you down over a disagreement
  6. Controlling Behavior – no one that loves and trusts you needs to read all your conversations, get a report before and after you go out, or tell you what you are ‘allowed’ to wear or do
  7. Violence – in the heat of the moment, things can happen, but no well-adjusted human is comfortable hurting someone they love, period
  8. Expectations – a healthy relationship comes with few expectations, but an unhealthy relationship will be burdened by the weight of unrealistic and unattainable expectations
  9. Marriage – someone who brings up marriage too quickly is a red flag as they want to possess you in every sense as soon as possible
  10. Degradation – to your face and behind your back, an abuser will make you sound like an unreasonable, incompetent human, and themselves the patient saint taking care of you

Bonus:

Threats of Violence – perhaps they have never hurt you, but they speak often about hurting or killing you, to your face or otherwise. Anyone who does this is definitely capable of it. Believe them. It’s not a joke.

Love is one of the most glorious things we as humans will ever experience. Do not waste yours on people (real or fictional) that corrupt it and then glorify the corruption like it is the ultimate romantic goal. Stay away from books that make it seem like unhealthy relationships are normal or ideal. Stay away from people that think unhealthy relationships are normal or ideal. If we read enough books that tell us what love looks like, we will begin to believe it, even if they are modeling something that is very dangerous in real life. Be cautious with the media you consume, and ask yourself if the ship you have is healthy. What we focus on tends to manifest into reality in our own lives. If we tend to love the walking red flags when we are reading, chances are good we are attracted to similar personality types in real life – but if we change up what we read and idealize, we may shift our own type to a more healthy one.

If you need assistance leaving an abusive situation, the domestic violence helpline is 800.799.7233 or visit thehotline.org (has an emergency escape feature if you are interrupted).

How the Best Villains Terrify Readers

Writing

Villains. They can truly make or break a story. Every hero needs an opposite to keep us turning pages. But what makes a villain so memorable that they scare the crap out of people and make history?

In my opinion, there are two broad categories of villains that are truly terrifying.

The first is the villain that is exceedingly relatable. We have all had moments where it took all of our willpower not to snap, and villains that are put in similarly difficult situations and do snap can be the most captivating. The villain is not that different from ourselves in this scenario – if we had just a little less self-control, this could very well be our own villain origin story. We can empathize heavily with the villain, and that can make us very afraid of what they will do next. Ordinary people in situations that happen every day who depart from what we have deemed acceptable behavior can be engaging and simultaneously make us incredibly uncomfortable. The fact that we are not that different from the villain plays on our worst fears about ourselves, about what will happen if we do lose control. It can keep us riveted. These characters are very memorable because we can see ourselves in them, no matter how much we wish that were not true.

The second category of villain that can be truly terrifying is the villain that is so incredibly unlike us that we have no idea what is going to happen next. Nothing they do seems to make any sense, and we are left in the dark about where the story will take us. The fear of the unknown should not be underestimated. It is not that people are afraid of the dark, it’s that they are afraid of what could be in the dark without them knowing, and it is an extremely potent fear. This remains true whether your villain is like Michael Myers, a silent, indestructible psychopath that chooses not to speak and leaves us wondering why he does what he does and who will be next; or like Pennywise from Stephen King’s IT, an alien monster that eats children and takes the form of whatever it thinks will terrify you the most, whose origins are as mysterious as its weaknesses. In both cases, uncertainty makes us afraid, because the villain is so different from us that we cannot at all understand them. It makes them a wild card. We cannot predict what they will do next. The suspense builds our fear.

To create villains, I always ask myself what they want, why they want it, and then do my best to make sure they do anything necessary to get it. I do make it somewhat easy for them because that means my protagonist(s) have to work harder to stop them. I will give the villain every advantage, because in my experience, it is like watching a train wreck in the making and being powerless to stop it – as a reader, you know they need to be stopped, but you realize there’s a chance they won’t be. Sometimes they simply can’t be. I write horror and not every story gets a happy ending.

Tell me about your favorite villains.

Transformation & Growth: Themes for Good or Evil

Writing

Transformation is the theme of the January themed collection, the final themed collection at that.

I consider transformation and growth to be overall positive concepts, and yet there is no rule that says you have to transform or grow into a better version of yourself, just a new version. The theme I am exploring has more to do with transforming into your ultimate self. What that looks like really depends on who you are as a person, or in this case, who they are as characters.

The themed collections have a recurring storyline first revealed in the first collection from October. The White Lily Escapees were psychologically conditioned to kill because the experiment was designed to prove that not only can you create a monster, you can deconstruct that monster back into a functional human being. Only the first half of that hypothesis turned out to be true – you can certainly create killers, but getting them back to who they were before was never possible.

The White Lily Escapees have swept across the nation in the past few months, and transformation season for them is truly about becoming the very best killers that they can be. The ultimate version of themselves at this point is inhuman.

This storyline is not the only storyline in the collections, however. There will be at least one other separate and self-contained short story in each collection that fits the theme but has nothing to do with the continuing storyline from White Lily. The poetry in each collection is told from the perspective of murderers, but does not necessarily have any continuing themes beyond the theme of the collection. Some are whimsical, some are gory, some are downright disturbing, but none are related.

The theme of transformation and growth for the poetry and the separate short story may toe the line of positive and negative. Not all of the characters involved are trying to evolve into the ultimate killers like The White Lily Escapees. Some want to grow in other ways, meaningful ways, like finding love, starting a family, and forming friendships – none of which are easy tasks for psychopaths. Finding connection with others like them and beginning a new life together is extremely important to some. Finding the purpose in their lives is something some desperately seek. Making changes for the better, despite the irony of them being cold-blooded killers, is also something that will be explored.

In real life, transformation and growth are equally relative concepts. They are generally considered good, but they may not be changing you into what one would consider a good person, just into more of who you want to be. From an objective or moral standpoint, that may not be the best thing. But ultimately, that depends on what you value.

For instance, if you value morality, goodness, purity, connection, love – you will want to transform yourself into a person that would likely be considered good by most. However, if you value power, influence, money, satisfaction, fame – you will want to transform yourself into a person that would likely be considered selfish or even bad by most.

Does that mean that you need to value things that are considered ‘good’ in order to be your best self? Not necessarily. If you struggle with the concept of goodness, you can end that struggle one of three ways: you can live your life in a way that makes you appear good despite not necessarily enjoying yourself, you can live your best life the way you want and still do good things for others, or you can roll with the fact that being your ultimate self means that you put yourself first all the time and stop caring about the judgment of others. You can still do great things without being an objectively good or moral person. You can change the world and be the most selfish person on the face of the earth. It truly depends on what you want to do, how you want to use your abilities, and how you define ‘making an impact’. The concept that you have to be a good person to be a great one is simply untrue, but both have perks.

This new year, I have been taking a look at what I think my ultimate self would look like, and trying to move in that direction. I am trying to live within the gray area, where there is a balance between what is morally good and what is good for me, personally.

My ultimate goal for the new year and my ultimate self both rely heavily upon the concept of balance. Being objectively good all the time is exhausting when it is actually possible, and being objectively self-centered makes me feel icky. I want to find a way to travel between the two depending on the circumstance and make the best decision possible for myself and my loved ones in every situation. Sometimes that may mean being the selfish one. Sometimes that may mean being charitable and warm.

Whatever direction you choose, may you become your ultimate self, and wear your new self with pride.

How to Steal Like an Artist & Create Compelling Original Work

Writing

This is by no means a comprehensive guide to stealing like an artist, as it is its own art form, and not one many master. Stealing like an artist does not mean plagiarism, copyright infringement, or intellectual theft. The phrase is misleading in that sense. It does mean taking elements of other people’s work that you really enjoyed and incorporating it into your own work. It does not involve using the same exact words, but it does mean adapting some things you really enjoy about the other author’s work to fit your own style and story. It is not illegal. Not even if you steal the entire premise of the book. It is perfectly okay to do as long as it is fundamentally your own, different from the original. It may involve new characters and a similar story but wildly different plot points and ending. It may mean incorporating a setting you love, or some details that stand out in your mind. It is truly using someone else’s vision as inspiration to help bring your own vision to life.

Just for fun, I have created a loose step-by-step guide to stealing like an artist for writers:

  1. Read fiction – preferably a lot of it.
    Some writers say that they never read, but few (if any) successful authors will say that. Reading is how we get inspiration. It is how we learn new words and new ideas and new ways to bring characters to life. It helps us construct a better plot structure, understand the various methods of storytelling. Reading diversely will give better ideas on how to describe people, places, and things we are not normally exposed to in our everyday lives. It helps us recognize when we are writing well versus writing like an amateur. Most importantly, it helps inspire us to use elements of stories we love reading when we are writing. Stealing like an artist begins with finding the ideas you would like to adapt to your own story and style, so you absolutely must read.
  2. Explore other kinds of art – preferably daily.
    Writing is its own art, but we need to use words to paint pictures, and sometimes we can get inspired by looking at images that would fit into our stories. If your character is a modern art enthusiast, look at modern art daily. If you are worldbuilding, look at raw pictures of nature by stellar photographers. If you are looking to describe a character, scroll the hashtag ‘selfie’ on Instagram or investigate something like TikTok or YouTube where you can be exposed to a wide variety of people you do not know. If you are looking to set the tone for your scene, look up photography for similar moments. If you are trying to imagine things that are not real and having a difficult time, search sites such as Pinterest, Instagram, and DeviantArt for things visual artists have created. If you are writing fantasy, devour fantasy-based art and films. If you are writing historical fiction, dive into period movies and pay attention to the settings, the costumes, the hairstyles. If you are writing horror, watch a horror TV show, movie, or short video every day. Listen to podcasts on your subject matter. Immerse yourself in all the potentially inspiring things available.
  3. Use the internet – no, really, do it.
    I know so many people say that the internet is a distraction when you should be writing, and that can be true, but it can also be a useful tool. Dive into Wikipedia. Research everything you can for your story. Read collections of personal stories where people discuss defining moments in their lives, their most terrifying experiences, the supernatural, moments of faith – there is a wealth of these articles and they are a goldmine for writing inspiration. Get on Reddit and read short stories or even two-sentence horror stories and get down to what really makes a story compelling to read regardless of the person’s writing ability. Look at fan art or fanfiction for stories similar to what you are writing and see what it is the fans want to see the most. Read book reviews for similar stories and see what people do and do not like.
  4. Talk to human beings – a tough one, I know.
    The humans in your life are full of interesting stories, whether or not either of you realizes it at the time. If you have a character that is similar in personality to someone you know, listen to what they say about themselves and their past experiences. As long as you do not entirely rip off their story, simply adapt it to fit your character, you could have a gold mine around you. From insights into personality to minor details about small town life versus big city living, so much can come from talking to people who are different in most ways from yourself. It will make your storytelling more authentic.

The devil really is in the details when it comes to art. Details make art, especially writing, more believable, easier to get lost in. Having details that bring your story to life is critical to keeping the reader engaged, but coming up with those details on your own is incredibly difficult, which is why we must all learn to steal like artists from time to time.

What is your favorite way to steal?

— J.A. Steckling

Justine Steckling Writes

No Such Thing as Bad Press – Fact or Fiction?

Writing

There is a scene in Friends, where Monica, a chef, receives a review that says “The Chef’s Mahi Mahi was Awful Awful” and she has a minor meltdown over the bad press, even going so far as to attend a cooking class despite being a head chef at a very well-known restaurant.

In some fields, bad press can certainly be devastating. The truth is, it really depends on why you are getting bad reviews. In fields where you are selling a product that engages people’s minds more than their senses, bad press is not always a bad thing. It mostly depends on the content of the review, the number of negative reviews, and how subjective the criticism is.

If someone leaves a review on your book calling it foul-mouthed, disgusting, disturbing, offensive to God or religion, or unnecessarily sinful in any sense, even though it may sting a little bit, it is not actually a bad thing. Reviews like that drive people’s curiosity. They make people who enjoy sin in all its glory want to read it. They attract people who find books with more cussing more engaging. They actually help attract your target audience more than you ever could on your own. In this case, bad press can be an incredibly good thing.

If someone leaves a review on your book that points out some major issues with your story, such as being sexist, homophobic, racist, or poorly written, but the other reviews are positive, you can just brush it off as someone maybe having an unrealistic view of your book or your writing, misunderstanding satire, missing the theme altogether, and things of that nature. It does not necessarily mean your book is at fault if the smallest portion of reviews are negative in nature.

If you are getting a flood of reviews that are critiquing your writing in particular, you may need to work on some aspects of your craft before releasing your next book. It does not mean you should give up. You can always improve. Own it and move forward, that does not mean your story is not good.

However, if you are getting a slew of angry reviews because your content is in some way offensive, marginalizing groups, giving in to stereotypes or clichés, sexist, or harmful in any sense, that is devastating bad press. If it was meant as satire, you clearly failed. If it was not, you need to reevaluate your world views and your writing at the same time, because there are few things worse than increasing the suffering of others with a craft that is supposed to be used to enlighten, uplift, or take people on a journey they will ultimately enjoy.

I know sometimes my writing can be extremely disturbing, so I am sure I will get bad press even though I fully intend to warn people as much as possible before they buy the book that it is not for the soft-hearted. I am also sure that I am not the best writer on the planet, and as my first book will be – you know – my first book, I am not expecting glowing reviews. But I anticipate that every bad review I get will probably push someone else to buy it if for no reason other than curiosity. I am not afraid of being disliked because it gets me closer to my intended audience.

The key to determining whether or not the press (or review, in this case) is truly hurting you is honesty with yourself. If the criticism you receive for your content is valid and you realize there are problematic things in your writing, you can always take the book down if you self-published and work on it some more, or you can just acknowledge that it has some issues that will be addressed moving forward in your coming books. Denial will not serve you, and neither will doubling down on whatever it is that you have done. People appreciate growth and can be quite forgiving if you are making an effort. They will not tolerate authors publishing toxic material – just look at what has happened to J.K. Rowling despite having written one of the most widely-read series in the world earlier in her career.

Bad press can certainly do wonders to help your book sell, or even be used as a promotional or marketing tool to attract your target audience, but only if the concerns in the reviews are not ones that would be widely shared. Being honest about the content of your book, including content warnings, leaving something in your author’s note about potentially triggering or disturbing in a certain section of your book, can all help ensure you ensnare your intended audience and help you avoid negative reviews. In the end, though, you cannot please everyone, and you cannot stop people from reading it that may not enjoy it, so negative reviews can come with the territory, especially in genres like horror that tend to be deeply disturbing in some parts. As long as you can evaluate whether the problem is the reader or the you, the writer, there is no need to take negative reviews to heart and re-enroll in a creative writing course. Just keep on keeping on!

Wicked Transformations: The Final, Most Fascinating Themed Collection

Writing

Today, New Year’s Day, marks the beginning of the final themed collection, tentatively titled Transformation Season.

Transformation is a powerful concept. It can mean many things. It can be good or bad. It can transform your life in the best or the worst ways. It can be physical or mental or spiritual. It can even be all three.

I am looking forward to exploring this theme. Of course, it will focus heavily on the darker side, murder will abound, and not all transformations will be voluntary.

What comes next?

Well, I have a to-do list for this year.

  1. Edit the October collection & prepare it for publishing in September
  2. Edit the November collection & prepare it for publishing in October
  3. Edit the December collection & (you guessed it) prepare it for publishing in November
  4. Finish the novel, The Legend of Sam Hain
  5. Finish the short story collection, Heartbroken & Homicidal
  6. Begin the editing process on those, most likely to be released in 2023, depending on whether I self-publish or go the traditional publishing route. It really depends on how much I enjoyed being self-published with the three themed collections.

Enjoy this month of transformation, and remember, all your goals can be accomplished if you take it one step, one day, at a time.

— Justine

Justine Steckling Writes logo
Justine Steckling Writes, Mental Health Writer

How to Love the Unlovable Characters in Your Life

Random

People who read can tell you a lot about people. We understand them in ways that others do not. Some of us love a good hero, some of us prefer an antihero, some love the sidekicks, and others of us fall in love with at least pieces of every villain we meet. I fall into the latter category. I love a good villain more than almost any other character involved. Sometimes I’m truly hoping they will win (even though they rarely do).

This love of villains and villainy has given me some insights into how to handle the unlovable characters in my life – both the real and the imagined.

As a horror author, I write a lot of characters that I find unsavory. I still love them, because I have an ability to empathize with and understand people who do awful things. That remains true even if I completely disagree with their decisions. I can apply this ability to understanding the real-life people that come off like a true antagonist every time I’m near them.

Here are a few steps to learning to understand the villains in your life:

  1. Remember we are all fucked up
    Sure, some of us have a stronger moral compass or a better code of ethics that guide us, but we are all fucked up in our own ways. Some of us have learned to control ourselves. Some of us actively try to be better people. Some of us have support that helps keep us on track when our issues begin to take control. Not all of us have these advantages, and our damage becomes more obvious and more destructive. The first step to understanding the antagonist before you is remember they are just as fucked up as everyone else, and for whatever reason, they either do not realize how screwy they are, or they have decided to just roll with it. Thinking you are better than them will get you nowhere. We could all be disgusting human beings if our lives had been just a little bit different.
  2. Notice their behavior
    Chances are good that they behave the way that they do for a reason. It can be hard to decipher behavior at times, but noticing it is the first step. Are they the most tyrannical when they are stressed? Do they bulldoze over everyone else in a conversation when they are excited, or when they are being ignored? Do they have that annoying habit when they are anxious, or does being annoying stop them from feeling ignored? All behaviors point to a desire, they all help us meet at least one of our needs, even if they do so in a destructive way. Understanding when they become intolerable to be around will help you figure out the next step.
  3. Identify the need driving the behavior
    This can be difficult, especially if you do not know the person well, but you may be able to imagine why someone in general would use that behavior in those moments. If they are extra monstrous when they are under stress, they may need to learn healthy ways to cope with stress, or they may feel exacting more control makes them less stressed. If they dominate a conversation out of excitement, they may be neurodivergent or just poorly socialized, but if they do so when they are being ignored, they may have a need to feel significant to those around them. They may develop annoying habits when they are anxious because they are neurodivergent and it helps them release their anxiety, but they may choose to be annoying because of a need for attention.
  4. Identify your course of action
    If this person means a great deal to you, you may consider trying to help them meet their needs in a more constructive way. If this person is a co-worker, you may choose compassionate avoidance, choosing not to share their space but not antagonize them or speak badly about them behind their back. If you have realized that someone important to you has a need that they could meet more constructively, but they refuse to see a problem with their behavior, you may choose to tell them you love them but you cannot be around them until some changes are made.

Loving the unlovable characters in your life often does mean loving them from a safe distance. There should be no ill will. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the tools and circumstances they have been given, but that does not mean we have to tolerate inappropriate behavior out of love. It will only hurt us. But love is a state of being, and it does us a world of good to love as often as humanly possible, even if we are loving those we prefer not to be around, those we disagree with, or those we don’t really even like.

— Justine

Justine Steckling Writes, Mental Health Writer

Self-Care and the Spirit: Being Loving to Yourself Changes Everything

Personal

Whether or not you believe in a deity or set of deities, we have something that makes us who we are – some people call it the soul, others call it the spirit, but there is some spark of life in us that makes us who we are more than any part of our physical body does. Some people have speculated the spirit is separate, some that it lives in the heart or the brain, but it has been commonly accepted for some time that it exists. If you believe that it exists, then you must believe that it knows (on some level) how you treat yourself. You may even believe that it reacts to your thoughts about yourself and the way you feel about yourself. Being loving to yourself may help ease spiritual pain (when your spirit is suffering because you are in some way neglecting or bullying yourself). To some people this sounds hokey, but I have met more people who believe this to be true than people who do not.

Practicing self-care is one way to be loving to yourself. It is one way you can set aside time to just take care of yourself, process your thoughts, listen to your feelings, and attune yourself to your spirit. This can have a huge impact on every part of your being. It is kind of magical.

The goals that were broken down into the spiritual category for me all reflect a need for this kind of care. I know it is necessary to my spiritual, and therefore mental and physical, growth.

  1. Continue my spiritual work
  2. Pray more
  3. Make time weekly for my spirit

Continue My Spiritual Work –

Continuing my spiritual work means a lot of studying and a lot of learning. The work is never done. There are always more truths to discover if you go looking for them. I am chasing enlightenment, and I know there is no one way to find it. The quest must go on.

Pray More –

I am great at saying prayers each night before bed, but they are learned prayers. In my faith, praying is really having a (one-sided) conversation with the deity. Therefore, I need to start praying on a more personal level every day, even if it is very quick. I believe that prayer is one of the times that we are truly honest with ourselves about how we are doing, what we want and need, and how we truly feel on the inside. It can help us understand ourselves, finally let everything out that we have been holding inside, and make us feel calmer when it is over. It is not for everyone, but even if you do not believe your prayers will be answered, having a moment to just check in with yourself and be truly raw and exposed can have a healing effect.

Make Time for Spirit –

Once upon a time, I used to spend an hour or two every week in my bedroom with candles and incense and focus entirely on my spirit. Sometimes that meant self-care, sometimes that meant prayer, sometimes that meant just allowing myself to be present and relax. It had a profound effect on my mental health and my physical health, not just my spiritual health. When I got into a severe depressive episode, I stopped. I recently came out of the depression, so I am starting it up again in 2022.

Even if none of my goals seem like they are right for you, practicing being loving and kind to yourself can have an effect on you inside and out. It can change your thoughts, your perceptions, your emotions, and your reactions to outside factors. It can help you establish boundaries. It can help with physical and mental and spiritual pain. If you struggle with mental health at all, self-care can help you be more stable and productive. It can help you maintain balance in your life even when your mind is out of control. It is really hard, but I cannot stress enough how worth it is. Being loving to yourself (since actually loving yourself can be out of reach at times) can truly change your life. I wish you the very best in 2022.

— Justine

Created by Massachusetts mental health writer, Justine Steckling

No One Gives a Shit About Your Pants Size, Let’s Focus on Health

Personal

Seriously, who the fuck decided that being thin was a great predictor of health? It is not. You know who’s really thin? People who are dying. Shut the hell up. It is healthy to maintain a healthy weight, and what that looks like depends on your frame and your activity level more than some stupid numbers on the scale or what size your jeans are.

My second set of new year’s resolutions centered around physical health, so let’s talk about those for a moment.

  1. Regain strength
  2. Reverse diabetes
  3. Lose weight

Regain Strength –

I had knee surgery in July and was in a wheelchair for several months. I barely had any physical activity, and my overall body strength has suffered for it. My knee is nowhere near as strong as it was before. My body is nowhere near as strong. I need to start regaining strength in my knee and my whole body in short order. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will regularly do strengthening exercises for my knee and then the rest of my body every day that I am physically and mentally able to for the next year.”

Reverse Diabetes –

I am a Type 2 diabetic and most of my diabetes has come from taking a medication that made me gain over 100 lbs in a year. I recently stopped that medication and my diabetes has been improving rapidly. I need to continue to make healthy eating choices and exercise more in order to push my A1C and blood sugar back into the normal range for a significant period of time. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will make better eating choices and maintain an exercise routine every day that I am physically and mentally able for the next year.”

Lose Weight –

As I said, no one gives a shit about your pants size, but you still need to maintain a healthy weight for your frame, and my frame is overloaded with excess weight from the medication, the time I spent in the wheelchair, and with limited mobility after my knee surgery. Losing weight will also make it easier for my poor knee to carry my weight around. I want to lose at least 1 lb per week for the next 52 weeks, which is a significant amount of weight but still easy enough to do. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will maintain my diet and exercise changes every day that I am physically and mentally able, and weigh myself weekly to ensure I am losing at least 1 lb per week, for a minimum of 52 lbs lost in 2022.”

Hope you’re thinking about setting great goals for your own new year!

Better Fucking Mental Health in the New Year, Please!

Personal

I tend to get extra sweary when it comes to goals because language is powerful, and the more we shock ourselves with language, the more what we are saying resonates with us. Cussing can actually have a powerful impact on us when we are talking about things that truly matter.

That being said, better fucking mental health in the new year, please! As a mental health writer, I try my best to make my experiences relatable to others in similar situations, but this is a personal post, so glean from it what you will.

Yesterday, I outlined that I had several goals each in the category of mental, physical, and spiritual health. This post is focusing on my mental health goals.

  1. Use my tools more regularly
  2. Improve my communication skills (especially when under stress)
  3. Get a better understanding of my moods

Use my tools more regularly –

I have a therapist like most people who deal with mental illness. I have only been seeing her for about a year. I have been in therapy on and off since I was 13 and seeking treatment for my self-harm addiction. I have done mental health programs and groups. I have a lot of tools. So many, in fact, that I forget half of them exist unless I am reminded of them. My current therapist often says that she does not know how to help because I already have so many tools. I am going to go on an introspective journey and make a list of all the tools that I can think of and categorize them. Then I’m going to see if she can add to my list. The list will help me pick a tool for the problem I am having and it can be saved on my phone so that I can access it any time that I need it. Getting back to using my tools will help me cope with life better than I have been lately. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will create a list of my mental health tools and use at least one every day that they are needed for the next year.”

Improve my communication skills –

I have great communication skills as it is… right up until the moment that I am under stress. I shut down. Anger, sadness, overwhelm, anxiety, general stress. They all shut my communication off, and if I do say something, it is not a great reflection of how I truly feel. This only applies to my personal relationships. I do not get locked up like that in work or school situations where stress is part of the package. I do get like that when professionalism is not expected and people that I choose to have in my life are making it harder instead of easier. I need to relearn how to communicate when I am feeling chaos inside instead of withdrawing from my relationships or even snapping at people. On the other hand, all of that isolation is great for my ability to write, so I will need to find a balance that maintains that. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will improve my communication skills by learning more communication tools and make improvements in communicating with loved ones even when under stress over the next year.”

Get a better understanding of my moods –

I actually got a mood tracking planner as a birthday gift this year (November) that I started using yesterday. I hope that it helps gives me insights that I can use to start understanding my moods and how they affect me throughout the day. I plan on using the data with my therapist to help me try and get some emotional stability, if not every day, more often than I do now. To make this a SMART goal, I would phrase it, “I will get a better understanding of my moods by using my mood tracking tool twice a day for the next year, analyzing the data regularly, and asking for help when they seem to be getting out of control.”

This is an exercise that I do every year, and I try not to focus too much on goals that may not be realistic. Life does happen. In 2019, I had a severe hiking accident where I fell 35 feet, and I lost my job because I could not do it with a concussion. This year, 2021, I broke my knee because of an accident in the shower, and lost my job because I needed surgery and had a six-month recovery window. Financial security is something I am used to living without, so my goals are almost never financial. I know my mental health is up and down, so they are very rarely goals that I could not accomplish if my mood suddenly shifted.

Tell me what your goals are in the new year if you feel so inclined!

— Justine

Text reads "Justine Steckling Writes - New Year, New Goals, Better Life. Bring it on 2022!"
Created by mental health writer, Justine Steckling
Back to Top