New Year, New You, or Whatever the Fuck People Say

Personal
Created by Justine Steckling

New year’s resolutions are a great concept that are generally executed poorly. Every new year can be seen as an opportunity to make goals that will help you keep moving forward in life, get some of your long-term goals from prior years accomplished, and set smaller goals that you can achieve within the first few months. You can also make changes to your lifestyle, your mindset, your habits. You can do this at literally any other time of the year, but it does feel a bit more intentional and like you will have more support if you commit to doing so by January 1st each year.

When it comes to goal setting, it is important to be realistic. I cannot tell you how many people give up on their new year’s diets altogether by March (if not sooner) or abandon their new habit about the same time. Establishing a good goal that is actually sustainable and not just attainable is extremely important. The science of setting goals tells us that good goals are usually SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely). So “I want to finish my first book this year” falls a little bit short. “I want to write 2 to 3 pages a day for 6 months or until my book is complete” is much more fitting because it is specific, measurable, attainable, and timely; it still may not be realistic depending on what else you have going on in your life. If you have mental health struggles or young children or an extremely busy schedule, your goals need to reflect that you only have so much time to devote to them. If they do not, you are going to burn out and give up on your goals.

The idea that you can completely transform your life in a year is only crazy if you do not stick to your changes all year long. The idea that you can finish a book in a year is only crazy if you do not work at it every day you are physically and mentally able. A lot can be achieved in a year if you are consistently working on your goals. Still, it’s not ‘new year, new me’ because you are bringing the old you to the table and improving them. You are not throwing them out. There is nothing fucking wrong with you, you are not broken, you are not trash that needs to be left at the curb in the new year. That mindset will be bad for you. You need love and compassion for your current self if you want to shape them into something better. No major changes take place overnight. You will slip up and make mistakes, and instead of giving up, you can just say ‘Oh well, everyone makes mistakes’ and continue moving toward your goal. Yes, I know it is hard. My brain likes to torture me over every little mistake that I make, but I have to take its power to do so away sometimes because mistakes are human. Do not get discouraged if you stumble on your journey. It does not mean that you have not committed. It does not mean you have failed. It is like falling down walking to your car. Just get up, make sure you’re not broken somewhere, and keep going. If your goal really matters to you, it will be worth it in the end.

I am going to be posting about some of my major new year’s resolutions. Maybe we can all compare notes at the end of 2022 and see how we did.

Resolution #1 – Keep Growing
Because if nothing has killed me yet it is time to keep fucking growing (and growing stranger as I do)

Specific?

  • Grow mentally, physically, and spiritually in 3 areas each within one year

Measurable?

  • (M) Continue using my tools, improve my communication skills, understand my moods better
  • (P) Continue to strengthen my knee, lose weight, finish reversing diabetes, return to work
  • (S) Continue my spiritual practices, pray more, devote a day to my spirit each week

Attainable?

  • Yes, someone could reasonably attain these goals in my position

Realistic?

  • Yes, I could realistically do or work toward all of these things on a nearly daily basis

Timely?

  • Yes, I could realistically do or work toward all of these things on a nearly daily basis for one year and attain my goals

Love to all of you who had a pleasant Christmas, an okay Christmas, and to those of you who simply survived Christmas. It is a time of year that is difficult for many and you made it through! So all my love to you.

— Justine

How to Practice Self-Care if the Holidays Fucked You Up

Mental Health

It is extremely important to practice self-care after the holidays, even if you really enjoy them. They are a taxing and stressful time of year even if you feel that they are worth it.

Many people battle grief on the holidays, or fear because they are about to lose someone they love. Many people feel isolation and loneliness. Many people spiral into a depression. Many people relapse. Many people cope in the worst possible ways because that is the way they know works every time. Many people cannot wait for the holidays to be over.

They are over at last, and it is time to take care of yourself. If the holidays fucked you up, practice some self-care, and start transitioning back to your healthy coping techniques if you slipped. There is no shame in a relapse, whether that is on a substance or a habit or a person. Just get yourself back on track. One day, you will realize you have never gone that long without relapsing before and you will just keep fucking going, but it is okay if you slip on your journey there. Just be gentle to yourself, be loving to yourself, and pick yourself back up. You’ve got this.

Not everyone has the best idea of what to do for self-care, but let me tell you a little secret: almost anything that you enjoy doing can be self-care as long as you are doing it specifically to help yourself feel better or recover from a bad episode or stressful time. It does not have to be any one thing in particular.

Here is a list I put together of self-care ideas that may be helpful now and going forward:

  • Shower or Bath
    Everyone has a preference, both are great!
  • Pampering
    e.g. face masks, manicures, pedicures, foot care, lotion, hair masks
  • Organizing/Cleaning
    Having a clean space helps mental health & cleaning can be soothing
  • Creative Hobbies
    Anything will do, as long as it soothes and rejuvenates you
  • Journaling
    Especially in times of stress or right before bed, it can feel good to release our thoughts in a safe space
  • Reading/Video Games/TV
    Removing ourselves from reality is just what we need sometimes
  • Physical Rest
    e.g. lying in bed when you are fatigued, resting after you come home from work or complete chores
  • Physical Care
    e.g. massaging sore muscles, taking care of wounds or injuries with love and tenderness
  • Stretching
    Releasing tension in the muscles can release the tension in our minds
  • Exercise
    If you are capable of exercise, 15 minutes a day is the minimum recommended, even 3 sets x 5 minutes
  • Meditations
    Specifically ones for relaxation, gratitude, letting go, etc.
  • Cooking/Baking
    Some people see these as a chore, I see them as a great way to stay sane
  • Vibes
    Light some candles, get some aromatherapy, and just relax
  • Prayer
    Praying can be very soothing if you believe, and allows you to be honest with yourself
  • Positive Self-Talk
    Time yourself and say nothing but kind and loving things to yourself until your timer goes off

I hope you found these tips helpful and that they will help you in the coming year.

Best,

Justine

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Justine Steckling Writes

8 Things that Guarantee I’ll Have a Wicked Scary Christmas

Personal
Created by Justine Steckling

Wishing you a truly amazing and very scary Christmas!

My favorite things about Christmas:

  1. Giving gifts to loved ones
    Receiving gifts may not be one of my primary love languages, but it is one of the tools I use to communicate my love for others. Whether it’s something they have been asking for or something that they did not even know they wanted until they opened up my gift, it is a huge thing to watch their face light up when they see what I got them.
  2. Listening to holiday music
    Granted, in my case, it is horrorcore holiday music that heavily centers around homicide and debauchery, but it is still something that I look forward to every year.
  3. Living the spirit of the season (giving and receiving with love and grace)
    To me, the spirit of Christmas is about unity, and giving selflessly to those who are in need. It is also about learning to receive the grace that has been given to us, whether you believe in Jesus Christ or just the spark of life within us, and to appreciate it fully and shine it outward. With the way we celebrate today, I would add that it can be about both giving with love and receiving gifts (and love) with grace. It is beautiful, and I wish we could do that all year.
  4. Creating new traditions
    Leaving my family and moving across the country has come with a lot of challenges, but one of the best things to come out of it has been celebrating holidays the way that I want to. I got my own Christmas tree that I decorate how I want, I cook the meals I want, I make my own schedule. The freedom has helped me get over my grudge against the holidays to a certain extent.
  5. Appreciating traditions that have been passed down to me
    Not everything I was raised with is something that I want to get rid of. There are plenty of holiday traditions that I was raised with that I still enjoy. For instance, I open some of my presents on Christmas Eve because my family celebrated that night my entire life, but I open presents from people who celebrate Christmas Day that morning instead so I can honor their traditions as well. I also eat a big dinner on Christmas Eve.
  6. Spending time with chosen family
    My biological family is not awful, but there is great value in celebrating the holidays with the people you choose instead of the ones you are expected to. I am fortunate that I enjoy spending time with my family, but being able to surround myself with the ones that match my vibe has made a world of difference in how I feel on the holidays.
  7. Receiving thoughtful gifts
    For me, the meaning behind the present makes a world of difference. I love knowing someone put thought and care into picking something out for me. It certainly can make me feel loved even though it is not one of my primary love languages, but the thoughtful things people do for me matter far more than the gifts. Cooking with me, tasting my baking creations, and spending time celebrating together means far more than any gift.
  8. Being in the moment
    If you are an adult, chances are good that Christmas is one of the times you try to be fully present and savor everything that is happening. Moments like that are rare, and even though they may seem stressful or miserable at times, especially if you are contending with grief of any kind, they become valuable as time goes by. I love that everyone is truly together on Christmas.

How to Write the Perfect First Draft

Writing
  1. Tell yourself the story
  2. Don’t stress about whether or not it will make sense to anyone else
  3. Do include as many details as possible, aware that you will be adding more
  4. If you get stuck on a scene, skip it, you’re slowing yourself down
  5. Don’t obsess over your weaknesses (details, dialogue, etc)
  6. Do keep fucking going until you have reached the end
  7. That is it, you have written the perfect first draft

There is no such thing as a flawless first draft. If you think you’ve done it, you are lying to yourself. Just get the story out of you and then turn it into one that others will want to read.

How Holiday Blues Can Create the Perfect Creative Storm

Writing

If you love this time of year, chances are good that you are not even sure how ‘holiday blues’ could be a term that applies to so many people.

If your favorite holiday is Halloween and your favorite genre is horror, chances are good that you are neutral on, if not somewhat against, Christmas. Halloween is a solitary holiday, you can do what you like, you can dress up, you can choose how you celebrate. No gifts are required except sometimes candy for children trick-or-treating. The focus is primarily fun. Lots of people love Halloween because they feel the most like themselves when the spooky season is upon us.

Christmas, on the other hand, is a family-centric holiday, and it comes right after another family-centric holiday, Thanksgiving. There are traditions and obligations that you may not agree with on a person or ethical level. You may find yourself alone on Christmas when everyone else is with their family. You may be grieving family that is no longer in your life. You may be resentful of the holidays because of childhood trauma. You may be in poverty and unable to celebrate the way that you would like. It can be an extremely difficult time. Statistics show that depressive episodes, therapy intake appointments, behavioral health hospitalizations, relapses, and suicide attempts all rise during the last couple months of the year.

If you are a creative person, you may be able to channel your creativity and your holiday blues into something wonderful.

For me, writing is an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. It allows me to channel everything I dislike about the holidays into tales where nightmarish humans meet nightmarish ends. It also allows me to process some of my negative feelings about this time of year in a way that is not disruptive to others. I can safely explore the aspects of the holidays that I hate, and glorify the ones that I love most. Plus, I can write about avenging ‘angels’ taking revenge upon characters that represent people I wish would get their just desserts already. I also love that one day people may read what I have written around the holidays and draw some comfort of their own from it.

Here are some great questions to ask to get the creativity flowing in a way that is both healing and productive:

  1. What do I love about the holidays and want to preserve?
    Whether this is putting up your Christmas tree, honoring your religious traditions, or spending time with someone in particular, hang onto the fact that it is not entirely miserable, because you want to incorporate the things you love just as much as the stuff you don’t.
  2. What symbols of the holiday really speak to me?
    Visual art and written art both rely heavily on symbols, so narrow down which symbols you want to glorify and which ones you want to dramatize for your art.
  3. What do I really dislike about the holidays?
    Is it how family-oriented they are? Is it how materialistic they have become? Is it rooted in poverty? Childhood trauma? Feeling lonely or isolated or misunderstood? Whatever it is, narrow it down as much as you can, and tap into it when you are getting ready to create.
  4. How can I dramatize this?
    Sure, not everything has to be something others can relate to, but chances are good that people will relate to what you create if you dramatize your own experiences. As an artist, creating a scene of the perfect Christmas living room covered in blood with a child holding a knife makes a statement that will reach people with similar feelings. It will also give the traumatized child within a voice and power that they did not have when you were young.
  5. How can I work through this?
    Sometimes creating art is therapeutic on its own. Sometimes you need outside help. If creating the art is not enough to help you feel better, or it is actually triggering something unpleasant, find a trustworthy person to talk to about the holiday season bringing you down. This may be someone you love or it may be a therapist. Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to tap into this feeling to create art in the future, but it will no longer have power over you and threaten to wreck your life every holiday season.

Using art of any kind to process your feelings about the holiday season can be incredibly constructive and lead to some truly amazing creations. It is perfectly okay to hate this season, to grieve the things you do not have this time of year, and to generally relate to Grinch and Scrooge more than the people around you. Bah humbug! But it is also amazing to love it, to want very badly to love it like you used to, and to love parts of it while wishing other parts were no longer a thing. All of these feelings are perfectly valid. If you are feeling too down and need support, I recommend talking to a loved one, a therapist, or a support group.

  • If you are battling thoughts of self-harm, relapse, or suicide, text START to 741-741 to speak to a crisis counselor electronically, or call the suicide prevention hotline at 800-273-8255.
  • For help aimed at LGBTQIA youth and young adults, contact The Trevor Project crisis hotline at 866-488-7386 or access the chat on their website if calling is not safe. Hitting escape twice will close the chat and erase your history.
  • If you need assistance getting out of an abusive situation this holiday season, contact the domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit the website to chat with someone if it is safer to do so. Hitting escape twice will close the chat.

The Spirit of the Collection ‘The Giving Season’

Writing
Black background with white text and a red gift. The promotional image reads 'The Giving Season' - a holiday horror challenge by J.A. Steckling (author).
The Giving Season is a holiday horror collection by horror author J.A. Steckling

The spirit of The Giving Season is not necessarily anti-Christmas. It is a horror collection, so it does have various themes throughout. Some are more disturbing than others, but some aspects of the way we celebrate the holidays are horrifying enough that all I need to do is illuminate them a little bit.

Each day I write a poem, and the poems I have written so far are along the lines of ‘not a gift you want, but a gift you need’. For instance, today the narrator gifted someone their freedom by murdering their abusive partner and putting their head into a wrapped gift box.

For a season that is supposed to be based on the spirit of charity, helping others, bettering the lives of those around us, coming together and celebrating community, the month of December is severely lacking in these things. Along the way, it has become about materialism, the number of gifts you can give, how expensive they are. People treat retail workers poorly, trample each other on Black Friday, get into fistfights over the last of a desired item for a loved one in the store, treat employees worse than usual, treat each other worse than usual. For families with limited income, December is a time of stress, trying to figure out how they are going to give their children and loved ones gifts when they do not have a dollar to spare. Children get a good taste of inequality – Santa brought some kids expensive toys and bicycles, but all they got were socks and mittens. For many people, November/December is when they feel the most alone. They miss departed loved ones, families that they are isolated from, seasonal depression kicks in. A season that was supposed to be about love and kindness has been reduced to misery for many.

If you’re thinking ‘Justine, this sounds awfully anti-Christmas to me,’ then let me clarify. I love the spirit of Christmas. The love and the charity that sit at the heart of Christmas traditions. I love giving gifts far more than receiving them, love putting thought into little things that will make people smile. I don’t mind the constant barrage of Christmas-themed greetings everywhere you go, I don’t mind the religious aspects if you choose to acknowledge them, I don’t mind Christmas decorations (though I could go for a Christmas season with no Christmas music), and I don’t mind that people use it as an excuse to spend time with their families if they would like to. I am not anti-Christmas. Go Santa! What I am against is that none of this is the focus of the season anymore, and yet it is the core of why we celebrate. I’m against people crying every December because they are treated like crap at work, because they are alone, because they have no food, because they have no gifts to give or receive, because they are the only kid in their friend group that did not get a single gift from Santa or their parents. I am against anything that causes people’s suffering to deepen, but most especially when they perceive everyone else is happy and they are the only ones who do not get to enjoy the season.

The Giving Season is very much about non-material gifts, gifts that you do not expect, gifts that you need but do not want. It is also very much about illuminating the real suffering that people go through and intertwining it with horror to send a message. It is designed to encourage people to get back to the true spirit of Christmas, not to be anti-Christmas. I hope it will help others who are struggling with the season, but also enlighten some who read it and may not see the issues we have with it in our society. Horror is my medium, but it is meant to help and to heal in some senses. I hope you enjoy the collection when it is released next year!

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Teaser for Brand New Poem: ‘No More Bubbles’

Writing
Image depicts a blue background with white text containing lines from a poem by author J.A. Steckling. Line reads 'Let's play no more bubbles, put your head under, no more struggles'.
An excerpt from No More Bubbles by Massachusetts author, J.A. Steckling

Who says horror can’t be whimsical? Incorporating innocence and games into horror makes more of an emotional impact. As a horror author, I enjoy tying things in that seem whimsical. Terror really should be fun.

Keep your eye out for updates because I will be releasing work within the next year. This poem is from The Halloween Collection (working title). It will be self-published, presently set to be released September 01, 2022.

xo
J.A. Steckling

Empty Eyes and an Unnatural Smile – Exciting Sneak Preview

Writing
Image of a traditional jack-o-lantern with white text that reads 'Look at my face, look into my eyes, I'm a jack-o-lantern, there's nothing inside' an excerpt from a poem by horror author J.A. Steckling
An excerpt from a poem by horror author J.A. Steckling from one of the themed collections being released in 2022.

Broken down psychologically and encouraged to kill, the experiment subjects have become something less than (or, truthfully, more than) human. This line is from a poem in The Halloween Collection (working title) presently set to be released September 01, 2022 for Kindle by New England-based horror author J.A. Steckling.

The Ghosts of Christmases Past & The Giving Season

Personal

Christmas has been my absolute least favorite major U.S. holiday since I was a child. Of course, when I was very young, I loved it because I got presents. I have Bipolar I Disorder, and it onset when I was a child. At first, it manifested itself in severe depressions. It went untreated for a long time. With the depressions came a hatred of the holidays. I have spent a lot of my adult life trying to unpack why I hate this time of year so much. I think it started out simply enough, but my distaste for it deepened as I got older and my reasons grew.

In the beginning, I think I disliked Christmas just because I felt very isolated in my depression, I did not enjoy social gatherings, and Christmas was a big deal in my family. I had to go, had to pretend that I was happy, pretend I was grateful to receive gifts that I genuinely could not enjoy because my depression would not let me. It felt like I was faking my way through the holiday. It was exhausting. And I developed a grudge against it.

As I grew older, I began to resent how damn expensive the holiday is on top of the depression aspect, and how much everyone expects. The rampant materialism fueling the capitalist system completely remove all the meaning behind the spirit of Christmas. I hate having unrealistic expectations placed on me, so the financial and emotional expectations were nearly crushing.

Additionally, I was a retail worker for a very long time, and in customer service roles beyond that – and never are people worse to each other than November/December, and that’s saying something because customer service workers are treated like shit year-round.

Ultimately, my grandmother was one of the most influential people in my life, and it was her favorite holiday. Christmas was her JAM. When she passed in 2018, that just added another layer of my hatred of Christmas.

I cry every single Christmas and am miserable most of the month of December in anticipation of Christmas.

In 2019, I moved 3,000 miles away from where I grew up, and I have been doing my best to celebrate holidays in the ways that work best for me. I include only people I want around, celebrate with traditions that I enjoy, and frequently (except for last year due to the pandemic) find myself in church to seek the peace that I cannot find at home. I am trying my best to reframe how I view the holidays for my own mental health.

All that to say that using horror to unpack all my least favorite parts of Christmas is combining my love of horror and my hatred of Christmas, and it is going to be incredibly therapeutic. I think it will help my healing. I am hoping it will help others who struggle with Christmas depression to feel heard and understood. I am hoping that it will provide a good distraction to those who are forced to be alone during the holidays. Horror is a tool we can use for many purposes, it is not just about scaring people. It is about reaching people. And I think that real life is full of horrors anyway, but the horror genre can use those horrors to speak uncomfortable truths, and help people feel less alone, just like any other genre can.

When it is published, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I will enjoy writing it.

– Justine

Justine Steckling Writes logo, emblem of freelance writer Justine Steckling AKA horror author J.A. Steckling.
Justine Steckling Writes
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